The Perfect Scrambled Eggs

If there is one thing I avoid ordering at a restaurant, it’s scrambled eggs. They’re always either overcooked and watery, or undercooked and watery. Either way, they’re horrible and inedible. In fact, up until about a year ago, I hated eggs. I refused to eat ’em, most likely because every experience I had growing up was with a sub-par scramble.

To start with, most of us were raised on the typical fold and stir/ frying pan method for scrambled eggs that produces large spongey mounds of fluffy egg that are closer to mattress foam than proper scrambled eggs. We’ve grown to accept that this is what scrambled eggs are, and I apologize for not nipping this in the bud earlier – I dropped the ball and I’m sorry. My version is much more forgiving, and produces super creamy scrambled eggs that you’ll want to eat every day.

Here’s a few tips to help you in making the perfect scrambled eggs:

• Don’t salt the eggs before cooking – I don’t understand why you would do this. Salt tends to extract the moisture from foods and, since keeping moisture in cooked eggs is tenuous at best, you’re making your job much more difficult than it needs to be. Always season at the end, right before serving.

• Don’t whisk the hell out of your eggs before cooking – There’s really no need to take out your aggression on poor, defenceless eggs and give yourself tennis elbow in the process. In fact, whisking incorporates a whole bunch of air to the mix, which I contend is a bad thing. More about that in a moment, but for now just put the whisk away.

• Stop believing the “fluffy” egg hype – So many people have accepted the theory that the the best eggs are fluffy, but I think nothing could be further from the truth. You may have grown up believing this as truth, but it’s ok to admit you were duped. I’m telling you straight up that creamy scrambled eggs are far superior to fluffy ones. It’s not even a contest. When you whisk the eggs like crazy, in addition to using the fold and stir method, you are maximizing unwanted fluffiness.

• Make scrambled eggs, not cooked milk – I’ve seen recipe’s that actually call for more milk than egg, and I have to wonder what would possess somebody to do this. First off, milk would be my last choice of things to add, well after heavy cream, half and half, or even sour cream (which I used quite successfully just this morning, I might add). Of course your absolute best option in the quest for the prefect scrambled egg would be to add some of my insanely easy-to-make Homemade Creme Fraiche, but those other options will do in a pinch. Sorry, tangent over – back to the milk to egg ratio – that amount of milk is just baffling. A tablespoon per couple of eggs is plenty. After all, scrambled eggs should be about the eggs, right?

• The most important ingredient is patience– The fold and stir frying pan method will produce scrambled eggs in under a minute versus my method, which will likely take you 10 or 12 minutes. Before you get up-in-arms about how long it takes, just remember this: cooking eggs slowly always produces better results. My method requires near constant stirring with a rubber spatula over low heat, but the result is light years better than what comes out of the frying pan. Take your time, and you will be rewarded. I promise.

Scrambled Eggs, chili’s, and parmesan

 The Ultimate Scrambled Eggs

4 large eggs

2 tbsp butter

2 tbsp of creme fraiche or sour cream

pinch of salt and pepper

Optional: fresh herbs, cheese, chilis to taste

– Melt butter in sauce pan over low heat (setting 2 or 3)

– Once butter is melted, add eggs and stir with rubber spatula to break yolks

– Add creme fraiche

– Stir continuously over low heat until eggs are a creamy texture (approx 10 minutes)

– Season with salt and pepper; add herbs, cheese, etc

Herb de Provence Eggs atop fried tots and ham

The other nice thing about these eggs, is that it’s just as easy to make scrambled eggs for 8 as it is to make scrambled eggs for 2. Just use a bigger pot; the method stays the same. Plus the slow cooking and constant stirring keeps the moisture inside the egg, so you have an even larger window for well-cooked eggs. This takes the stress of timing all your breakfast components away when you have friends over for brunch, and it makes it easier to incorporate some fresh herbs or cheese to the mix as well.

Now go and throw your whisk away, because I’m confident that when you try these eggs, you’ll ditch your old method for good. Give them a try and see for yourself, and let me know in the comments what you think of the difference.